Today I chose to be a writer

Tomorrow I think I'll Be a Fisherman


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Circa 2005-Untitled

Such incarceration debilitates the mind
Renders thought incoherent
Minds struggle to persevere
Sanity does not prevail
Assume a painless position
Come and see the world’s intricate mechanism
Total chaos – no logical train of thought
Motives are irrelevant
We all live and die for the awesome search
The birth of heaven
The annihilation of Eden
Infatuated egos – such pretense is redundant
Sit there and stare at nothing to see something
I Cheer for all your values and all your motives;
Kill absolute truth, bury knowledge, then climb off your tree
And embark

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An Ode to Freedom (Circa 2006)

Here, an ode to all of our dear knowledge
Learn – Enhance. Become – Release
Soak it all up, run it in circles
Elaborate – Categorize
Primal fear of unease – self-Consciousness
Oh dissipate harmony
Create attachments and routine
Mass is a mere collage – Random
Repeat – Repeat, in a perpetual loop
Ignore – Ignore
|Amnesia|
Escape
A civilization of cowards
Hide away in our hives, awful creatures
We are doomed to seek and seek we shall
Fucking Nazis, Fascist bastards SEEK and DESTROY
(The soul) Symbiosis is a relationship of mutual dependence and positive benefits
Infatuated with the neurotic self, an addict to polypeptide amino acids
Chemical dependence to sadness, regret and shame
Dependence to love, drama and other introverted nonsense
Ah… Here I lie ever so eager to get some sleep, but to no avail
They are after me, grabbing my hair and limbs
Pulling in all five directions
Direction?
Savage beast of a world, how can naivety prevail?
Songs of innocence and experience indeed…
Its okay, quiet the soul with petroleum and its derivatives.
Who needs a song when all is seen through a murky haze?
Life obscured by insane soot ejected from the exhaust of such biological machines

Infested Infected Inflicted
How dark of a land this is, so dark there exists no comfort, no steadfast.
Only zombies, dreamless drones incarcerated within minds wiped clean of humanity
Mechanical nightmares of gears and clockwork
Of desperation and loss of coherent thought
Violence, unease and betrayal
This is Freedom, liberty and opportunity
This is capitalism and imperialism
This is the annexed land of God
This is our DOMINION


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A Strange Day

Mindless noise- incredible sound and bass variations entangled with fluctuating electronic chaos that shakes the earth underneath our feet. We are currently walking down the inhumane path that leads to the underground realm underneath Beirut, the air is dense with acrid smoke that lazily circulates right underneath our noses. Here we go I think to myself, one more time, down the rabbit hole… I inhale as much of the smoke as I can, while exhaling, I couldn’t help but smile. You see, in order to get to Beat City, one must silence the mind and its primary function- to respond to reality. Beat city is everything but “real”, it exists outside of our collective perception of reality.

The smoke was escaping through cracks in the soil , enveloping all that it touched, it rose in cataclysmic patterns, forming a thick plane suspended in mid-air that swirled and coiled as we moved through it. My loyal companion Nick was inhaling as much smoke as he could, crazy bastard! Only those in an altered state of consciousness could perceive the portal that leads to Beat City. I see it as a door, perception differs; the observer projects an idea which is manifested as whatever the conscious being imagines a portal to be – the smoke is the key to our beloved city.
As we wind on down the increasingly menacing path, the music intensifies. It fills our heads with fierce vibrations that cause solid matter to shake and tremble. The trees along the path that have guided us to our present location seem to have suffered a retched fate. They were rent and distorted, twisting and morphing into what looked like insane creatures infatuated with despair. The moonshine fell, almost unbearably, upon the hideous, sad expressions the trees were manifesting- a warning that plagues the mind as we walk on- Beware the madness!

A familiar vibe runs up my wrenched spine, I think I said something like: “hey nick, I’m looking into the eye of the strange animal. No, I’m looking at a little girl with red hair. We are being tested; can we support such madness? Can we prevail in such incoherent and mad states of mind?”
Of course though, my friend nick saw it too; his eyes were wide and full of surprise, and he was smiling. It seems we would prevail, time and time again, our minds still had not snapped. Suddenly the little girl with red hair turns around and begins to skip ahead- naturally, we follow.

We follow our guide up the path for another 10 minutes or so, she then stops abruptly, lets out an inhuman moan, and perishes. At first, the path seems unchanged, but a subtle change in the air all around us catches my attention, Oxygen levels begin to decrease. We are being mentally and physically prepared for the underground, lungs feel pressured, and every breath brings a rush of chemicals to the brain, releasing Dopamine, Serotonin, Epinephrine and Endorphins- our eyes roll back in our heads and our souls rush out of our mouths. They hang around, free of the shackles that bind it to the body. To see, taste, smell, hear and feel with intensity so fierce, the soul is ecstatic- we function at ten times our normal efficiency. Pupils dilate, we are sucked in through the awesome hole in the fibonaccian nil of our heads, and the door appears…

This place we have escaped to is completely unstained by human greed and self-conceived reality- the reality that has incarcerated the soul, the reality in which matter has enslaved the mind. We are the dreamless youth of our fallen empire
The desolate generation of the post world unification era, the children of this new world order.
Our intense need for comfort and our fear of uncertainty, our immaculate creation- our frail empire. 
Dissolved, nullified, annihilated. We are unlearned our perceptions can be reconfigured and rearranged 
Welcome to The Rabbit Hole – enter a whole different world of motivation
See that each atom in our anatomy was born in the death of a star 
Realize that all knowledge does not exist apart from us
experience the fleeting moment 
let the truth come 
unbidden
unwanted 
.
A period is but a point at which one idea ends and the other begins, a point at which I am given the opportunity to transcend (or descend) my previous thoughts and claims. It is also symbolic of a singularity, the point from which the universe burst open and…

“what?” asks a disembodied voice.

Had I said that out loud? where was I?

“Huh?” I come too from this reverie to witness an awesome sight.
“You just said “the period came”! Groaned he. “Stop saying asinine shit man… not at a time like this… I can see the stink of some dog turd somewhere and… i can hear it too! it makes an awful squelchy noise…”
“well” I explained, “might be cause you stepped in it, and are doing so repeatedly you fucking retard. you’re not synesthetic yet merely… uninhabited.”  this calmly.

“Awwww! god damn it! tell me why is it every time we trip together one of us has to step in shit!! god damn it!”
Nick was evidently flustered by this, and just tore his shoes off with a mighty flick of the ankle. “Bah! Who needs shoes anyway”!

Goddamn hobbit! I thought. He was right though, shit in all its forms, figurative and literal, seemed to follow us each time we ate the fruit of it. well now, i think this thought requires no more transcendence…

“What are we gonna do now?” he demanded “My feet are cold and you look like you’ve been thinking too hard”, exclaimed he.

Indeed comfort awaited, El-Diablo Azure- Our trusty bong, pre packed and waiting to be ignited with a controlled flame we tended to generate with colorful plastic objects filled with butane…
Prometheus was a good Titan wasn’t he?

“Alright” I said, “lets head home then, Let me just go say good bye to that tree over yonder”.

“What! Wait! What! Fuckin’! tree! man! there’s no time for your hippy shit! the cold is creeping into my spine man through my feet!”
So we walked home, the balding, muttering-machine who was now shoe-less as well, and I.

As I fumbled for the keys, Nick, ever prone to Murphy’s law, begins to turn yellow before my very eyes.
“Ugh” he groaned
Damn key, why don’t these things ever fit into the keyholes? easy enough to open metaphysical doors out there in the ether, but these solid things were a real challenge i reckoned. Doors to our very own cell within this false organism we call reality. Shut out from otherness.
“unnhgggg”
He was drooling now, oh shit, this is not a good sign… damn key!
CLICK!

And the door swung open, I looked at nick, he looked at me, a seemingly eternal moment passed.
“The Fuck?” I thought as i began to step forward
“MOVE!!!” came a frightening snarl from this livid beast.
he lurched forward and made to run to the toilet with his mouth covered with one hand and the other holding his stomach. While intention is a very admirable at this point, lets be realistic. Murphy fucking watches…
He stumbled, and began to fall…

I heard him heave before he thudded to the ground and projectile vomited all over the carpet, at the point of impact.
“uuuummmmm fuck” came the death rattle.

And the beast was still, laying ever so majestically in a remarkable puddle of regurgitated mushroom pizza.
GET THE FUCK UP AND CLEAN THIS SHIT NICK! I yelled, through a fit of the giggles.

Comfort would have to wait it seemed. what was it Lennon said?
“Life is what happens when your busy making plans”

We cleaned up, I had a few doubtful moments, common to all those of us who have cleaned up puke, where I though I was going to add to the mess rather than clean it, but alas for Murphy; even he is a victim of his own law.
We settled down on the couch.

“Ah! much better” sighed Nick.
“You fat bastard, first the shit and then a mile of half digested pizza! King of food in all its tenses! future, present and past! Next ill know you’ll be making your famous beef and broccoli stew which happens to smell the same as it does after you pass it!” I announced as I snatched the bong off the table.

I reached into my pocket to grab my trusty fire thingy and a sense of dread so deep filled me.

“Nick.for.gods.sake.the.lighter” I whimpered.

“Don’t have it man, think we left it near that tree you were speaking to, and now that you mention it, beef and broccoli sounds great!”


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The Spiral’s Quest

There was once a time when all that is wasn’t. In fact nothing had yet become. A time that did not move forward, for it was still and calm, like a frozen lake.

Within this dormant instance, there was a spiral. Now this spiral, being only a few seconds old makes nothing of this occurrence. Small and insignificant, It simply swam in colors and slept under patterns, almost non existent. It drifted along until suddenly it grew restless and anxious. Something else was there and it felt like it was being watched, somehow the spiral felt exposed and frightened. “Who’s there?” Spiral exclaimed, “What do you want?”

No one answered the frightened spiral’s questions, and so it went off  terrified and confused indeed. It went and went until it could go no more. setting itself in motion.

Tired and hungry the spiral drifted off to sleep its motion continuous now. When Spiral awoke, there was no memory of the fright it had experienced at the idea of an Other. Instead, it was filled with the strangest feeling of loneliness.

“Maybe, there really was something out there”, thought Spiral. “Maybe I could find the seer and see it myself”.
Hurriedly, the spiral set out searching for that which was watching it. It searched and searched and searched until soon enough, it came across a deep chasm. As it peered over, it felt a presence and was intrigued.
“HELLO!” it called out “IS THERE ANYONE THERE?”.

Something stirred beyond the vast emptiness; a large shape emerged from the darkness across the chasm. Large amber eyes stared back at the frightened spiral.
The spiral, nameless as all things were at that time, was in awe at the shape before it. It was large and old, and seemed very lonely.

I see you! can it be?what are you doing there? Asked the giant shape, surprised at seeing, and being seen by an other.

The little spiral was confused: “this is where I am!” it responded strongly, conviction resonating in its voice.

“Yes, you are here now.” the shape answered hope and tears brimming in her eyes, “Welcome! My name is Om; I Am and have always Been.”

“your name?” Asked the spiral, “What’s that?”

“A name”, replied Om. “Is a word that creates Form and order from disorder and abstraction, a word that sets things in motion. It is a symbol made just for you; an Order, an Idea and a Sound, to resonate within you and bring being forth”.
“You will be named Ab” she benevolently bowed her head and spoke the words:  “Ab I grant you this gift with all my love, and hope you will not resent me for it.”

Ab the spiral felt a tremendous surge ripple through it. It was reveling in the process. It thought and thought, “Ab”? It wondered, “what am I? What is Form and what is Order and what does it all mean? ecstatically the spiral began to reverberate and to progress, its center began to swirl and swell as the ideas took root, each concept and set of things separating from the core forcing the spiral to spin its self outward- Being, Form, Order, Love, Resentment; things that were not things but were. Undeniable things that just led to the occurrence of other undeniable things- Non-being, Abstraction, Chaos, Hate and Acceptance. Ab the spiral began to grow further, understanding the process which had begun; it understood that things come in pairs, each it’s own but somehow it’s other as well! Ab understood that he was always meant to meet Om and grow around her as she slowly shrunk and dissipated.
Shocked at the realization Ab beheld Om lovingly and accepted their duality and inseparability, reaching over the void to embrace her.

At Ab’s touch Om let her breath out in a tremendous shuddering sigh and whispered tiredly, a deadly exhaustion settling in her voice: “Soon you will envelope me and I will recede, and hold you still as you expand. I imagine you will have some work to do, naming  the forms which are beginning to coalesce with in you. It is difficult and I have been working a long time and am no where near finished”

“Yes!” Answered Ab, “Will you help? You already named so many things! what are they? I cannot put my finger on it! I feel their form burning within me and cannot deny their being but what does it mean?”

“Yes, I will help you and pass along all that I have done”, replied the large shape. A bright and luminous surge burst out of Om and passed into Ab. Ab shuddered and began to glow a starry blue, Om turned a shade darker, the glow in her eyes dissipating. “I have named you, and will prepare you for what is coming. You asked me what it means and I say to you only when all has been named will the meaning be clear!

“Form you have found in me, and can see in yourself” each new form will create more forms and these forms will create more. She paused and set an ancient smiling extinguished eye, on Ab then continued to speak: “Your Being is my opposite, although we are reflections of the same force, you will grow and I will fade. I will return when you begin to fade as you returned to me. The forms must remain.” These last words rung true, as Om faded to nothing her being replaced. In his grief Ab spun a frenzied spin, and reached towards the void searching for his reflection. A warm burst of loss caused a stream to flow.

Thus did the frozen lake begin to thaw; as things gained their names, their presence created Form. Their Form created Force, and Force brought things together and then pulled them apart in a graceful dance.

Ab loved to watch as things began to coalesce into bright points of light and dark points of darkness, though soon it grew bored, and realized that there were a few question left unanswered.

“What is happening? what was the point of all this?”

“Why am I here?” Ab wondered. “My name gave me Form and Order, and with it the rest was named, but what am I doing here”?

Thus did Ab put pieces of himself into the smallest spirals which were made of smaller spirals, and yet even smaller spirals, and gave them eyes just like its own. So he could See and Witness from all angles, to see what seeing was, to find Meaning, and call it by its one true name. They needed names and eventually knew, the had to start the whole process again, the more eyes to see the more things would be named. soon enough all would be named, and Ab would meet Om; finally singular again.
But Ab stared at his creation and beheld a true sight, being must be there is no respite.
Alas! there is no respite.